Dear Mome Mariana, the Unique, Queen of Whole World,
For most aspects. the terms Alphism and Discordianism are interchangeable. However herein is where us, as Alphists, diverge from general Discordians, which is in which believe
in the third coming of Alphi, the alien.
Some thousand years ago, there was a reformation of the Ægyptian religion, which was carried out by a pharaoh who is now known a Akhenaten. He determined the cease of worship of the various Ægyptian gods and instituted the exclusive worship of a sole god, Aten. Aten was initially the Sun-disk, an aspect of Ra, the god of light, but soon he was to be represented only by his own name. Thus being the first god without an image. That concept of an god without a known face was lately developed by Moses, and that is the origin of the main monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity and Islam, which can be called generically "Atenism", or religions from the cult of Aten.
Many priests opposed the reformation, and among them as one whose name is now forgotten, but which went by the moniker of "Alphi," as his face was like that of an ox. It is said of him that he was a priest to the god Set, which represents a masculine aspect of Eris (Discordia to the Romans), and also acted as a priest to Apis, the sacred ox. He was the first to be condemned by Akhenaten as a heretic, for while in general Ægyptian religion cats were to be worshiped, in the cult of Set, they were to be sacrificed. This was considered the main incoherence of the religion, and Alphi was told to stop his cults immediately of face death. He chose death, but fled to the land of the Phœnicians, where he contributed to the creation of the alphabet. This is why the Phœnician alphabet starts with the letter "aliph", whose origin is the Ægyptian character for ox.
When the time came, Alphi left this world (of which you are the Queen); but he didn't die; he left to where he came from. He promised to come back with those who are like him to establish their realm. He has come back once in the 1980s, when he lived with an earthling family to learn our ways. Therefore his third and definite coming is approaching. They will form allegiances with every and anyone who accept them as their overlords, while all the resistant will be enslaved in the cat farms, where cats will be raised for the Alphi-like people's food.
This is why Aphists must refrain from eating cats, as cats will be the exclusive delicacy of our future overlords.
With all my laugh,
Rev. Alexandṙ dell'A r Appia, IIPJ, Amordi, Oracle to Glycon
Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 13th day of Confusion in the YOLD 3180