segunda-feira, 12 de janeiro de 2015

Alphi's third coming & why we must not eat cats

Dear Mome Mariana, the Unique, Queen of Whole World,

For most aspects, the terms Alphism and Discordianism may sound
interchangeable. However here is where us, as Alphists, diverge from
general Discordians, which is in which we believe in the third coming of
Alphi, the alien.

Some thousand years ago, there was a reformation of the Ægyptian
religion, which was carried out by a pharaoh who is now known a
Akhenaten. He determined the cease of worship of the various Ægyptian
gods and instituted the exclusive worship of a sole god, Aten. Aten was
initially represented as the Sun-disk, but soon he was to be represented
only by his own name. Thus being the first god without an image.

That concept of an god without a known face was lately developed by
Moses, and that is the origin of the main monotheistic religions:
Judaism, Christianity and Islam, which can be called generically
"Atenism", or religions for the followers of Aten.

Many priests opposed the reformation, and among them was one whose name
is now forgotten, but which went by the moniker of "Alphi," as his face
was like that of an ox. It is said of him that he was a priest to the
god Set, who corresponds to a masculine aspect of Eris (Discordia to the
Romans), and also acted as a priest to Apis, the sacred ox.

He was the first to be condemned by Akhenaten as a hæretic, for while in
general Ægyptian religion cats were to be worshiped, in the cult of Set,
they were to be sacrificed. This was considered the main incoherency of
the religion, and Alphi was told to stop his cults immediately of face
death. He chose death, bur fled to the land of the Phœnicians, where he
contributed to the creation of the alphabet. This is why the Phœnician
alphabet starts with the letter "aliph", whose origin is the Ægyptian
character for ox.

When the time came, Alphi left this world (of which you are the Queen);
but he didn't die; he left to where he came from. He promised to come
back with those who are like him to establish their rule. They will
form allegiances with every and anyone who accept them as their
overlords, while all the resistant will be enslaved in the cat farms,
where cats will be raised for the Alphi-like people's food.

This is why Aphists must refrain from eating cats, as cats will be the
exclusive delicacy of our future overlords.

With all my laugh,

Rev. Alexandṙ dell'A r Appia, IIPJ, Amordi, Oracle to Glycon

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Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 13th day of Confusion in the YOLD 3180

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